(The various uncomfortable beeps of hospital machinery play. THOMAS wakes up again. CARLOS is on the visitor's chair, dozing off.)
THOMAS What the- (catches breath)
THOMAS What the hell are you doing here?
CARLOS (awakes.) Huh? Thomas! You're awake!
THOMAS Yeah, I'm awake. I'm fucking awake. I didn't ask to see you again.
CARLOS Tom, when I heard what happened, I-
THOMAS What, you thought you could come back? Whenever you wanted?
CARLOS My son, you've become bitter.
THOMAS Don't "my son" me. You don't get to call me that. And I've always been bitter. I've always been angry at you - I've - I've been fucking furious this entire time And I never knew it because I was so afraid that if I said one goddamn wrong thing -
(THOMAS stops, and wipes his eyes. Beat. THOMAS looks CARLOS dead in the eyes.)
THOMAS Then would mom leave too? Is everybody going to leave me? (Beat.) I don't trust anybody anymore. That's - That's why I'm fucking bitter. So don't come back. Don't fucking come back if you're just going to leave again.
(Beat. CARLOS breathes, looks away from THOMAS. Looks at one of the TELEVISIONS playing a silent set of commercials.)
CARLOS Thomas. When I head what happened, I didn't know what I was going to do with myself if you died.
(THOMAS is frozen. Waiting for CARLOS to finish to breathe.)
CARLOS Each one of us has to take responsibility for themselves. But with a father and son, it is very different. That is what I have come to understand: that your death... it would be in my hands.
(Quivering, CARLOS grips the TV.)
CARLOS If you went, I wasn't sure if I would live either.
THOMAS That's selfish - You think that you can put all the burden of living onto me?
CARLOS (Yelling, pounds the TV.) Of course not! (Turns.) Each man has a duty to himself. Live. Eat. Breathe. But we do not breathe for ourselves. Or eat, or live. We do all that so we can live with each other. When I... When I was a coward, and left you, and your mother, and your sister and your brother, I was deluded. I thought, "hey, life is better for yourself on the other side of the hill."
THOMAS You thought we were burdens. You basically said as much.
CARLOS (turning to the TV. Beat.) Yes. I did. And I thought, why not do whatever you want. I drank, I slept, I ate. And it meant nothing. I distracted myself. Took some bad pills, and all I could see in front of me for hours, uncontrollably, was repeats of my own disgusting life. What I discovered, is that I needed your mother, your sister, your brother, and you. Much more than you ever needed me. Much, much more.
(Beat. THOMAS doesn't know what to do. His barrier of anger is eroding away: what will he do?)
THOMAS Just because you're sorry doesn't mean you can just come back here.
CARLOS You're right. The choice is yours: if you want me gone, just say it. And I'll do it. But I think you need me too.
THOMAS I've gotten by just fine on my own.
CARLOS And you almost died.
THOMAS And I lived.
CARLOS You can live, but what will you see when you die? What will you see in the repeat of your life? Thomas, say "get going" to me, and I'm gone. But please, live a life that you're proud of. Really live.
(moves to exit the room.)
CARLOS I've preached enough. You're probably tired of me.
THOMAS Wait!
CARLOS Mmm?
THOMAS You can stay, but...
(to be continued.)
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Catherine's thoughts 01/10/2021:
- Got a better understanding of the conflict by context and voice acting
- Feeling: main theme being the shift in Carlos'
- Needs rebalancing: Carlos is doing 90% of the talking in the scene => amount of dialogue as power symbol
- Touch, proximity, action, objects to weave into this to show and cut down wording
- Adding in explicitly Thomas' inner dialogue would help
- Opening and closing bracket of the story should be similar.
- If you're explicitly calling confusion into the opening, make sure there are good reasons for the audience to stick around/have a decent foundational understanding
- The wording... dialogue and character actions are the canopy of the tree, or the roof of a house. Every phrase here needs to be built on a foundation of specific characterization that justifies why that person said that exact set of words at that particular set of time.